Friday, November 03, 2006

Don't bring back the '70's, part 2

In the spirit of the last post, I found this: A JC Penney catalog from 1977. If THIS doesn't persuade you not to continue or reintroduce Jimmy Carter liberal policies, then nothing will.

It's not often blog fodder just falls in my lap, but holy hell this was two solid inches of it, right there for the taking.

In the spirit of Jimmy Carter's "malaise" and Former Governor Jerry "Moonbeam" Brown's "era of limits", I thumbed through it quickly and found a recycled dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:

And the government who wants us to "think Green" probably would insist that we get this for our bathrooms:

There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to go on and on about that. Instead, I'm going to go on and on about something else. The clothes. The clothes are fantastic:

Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. What were fashion designers and parents thinking in those days? Well, it was the same mentality that brought us wage and price controls, synfuels, hyperinflation, rising unemployment, and rationing, make no mistake about it. No wonder this kid probably "needed" Ritalin.

This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you, and as a one-piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent.
And let's not forget that the "gay" agenda began in the 1970's too. If you look at the picture above, you can see why. It looks like a proto -Bob Saget without pants has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.

He looks like he's reaching for a gun, which, given the rising crime of the 1970's, would be awesome, but you know it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.

If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit. Unfortunately, some of the GOP establishment still dress like this! This explains their immigration policies. I mean, you just can't mow your own lawn or prune your own hedges if you look like that.

Dear god in heaven, I don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun, or perhaps Jerry Brown in his heyday.

In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys: does your search for chest hair. Maybe the metrosexuals who get their chest hair shaved or even removed have a point.

And this -- Seriously. No words.

Oh wait, it turns out that there are words after all. Those words are What... The... Fuck... I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. It was all that unisex feminism NOW was pushing. These couples look happy, don't they?

I am especially fond of this one, which I have entitled "Cowboy Chachi Loves You Best."

And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and a blonde wife or girlfriend with a look on her face that says "I love the way your cock fits against that fabric."

Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:

I repeat. If you vote for bad liberal policies reminiscient of the 1970's, we could look like THIS again, without the restored youth and vigor:

No comments: