Happy Halloween!

They put Election Day close to Halloween for a reason...

Yosemite National Park--Visitor Advisory

Animals that formerly were self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democrat Party. They have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance. This photo is of a black bear in Yosemite National Park, California, turned Democrat. He's nicknamed Bearack Acorn Obearma. It is believed that he has become a campground organizer......

Thanks to Jim Bell for inspiration and the photo(shop?).

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Halloween

But don't eat too much junk food, drink too much alcohol, or think about Nancy Pelosi and Barbara Boxer, because otherwise you will be sick....

Seriously, liberal killjoys take the fun out of Halloween and make me sick...

Twas the night before elections
And all through the town
Tempers were flaring,
Emotions up and down.

I, in my bathrobe,
With a cat in my lap
Had shut off the TV,
Tired of political clap-trap.

When all of a sudden
There arose such a noise
I peered out my window
To see Obama and his boys.

They had come for my wallet
They wanted my pay
To give to the others
Who had not worked a day!

He snatched up my money
And quick as a wink
Jumped back on his bandwagon
As I gagged from the stink.

He then rallied his henchmen
Who were pulling his cart,
as they were determined
To tear my country apart!

'On Fannie, on Freddie,
On Biden and Ayers!
On Acorn, On Pelosi'
He screamed at the pairs!

They took off for his cause
And as they flew out of sight
I heard him laugh at the nation
Who wouldn't stand up and fight!

So I leave you to think
On this one final note—
IF YOU DON'T WANT SOCIALISM
GET OUT AND VOTE !!!!

GOD BLESS AMERICA, OUR ONLY HOPE!

Iowahawk: Beltway Adventure

For those of us old enough to remember "Zork" style computer games on monochrome screens.

A Democrat Party Cure For Constipation

Hero?

A man is visiting the zoo and observing the lion's pen area when he sees a little girl leaning too far over the safety rails and into the lion's pen. Suddenly, a lion jumps upward, grabs the little girl by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her over the safety rails and down inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The man quickly runs to the safety rail and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the man says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'

The man replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'

The man replies, 'I'm an account executive, a former soldier and a Republican.' The journalist leaves.

The following morning the man buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

WHITE BUSINESSMAN ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT, STEALS HIS LUNCH
 *Ex-Military man with anger issues?*
That pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days.

Inauguration Day Psalm

PSALM 2008-2012
FIRST BOOK OF DEMOCRAT

OBAMA IS MY SHEPHERD, I SHALL NOT WANT.
HE LEADETH ME BESIDE STILL FACTORIES.
HE RESTORETH MY FAITH IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.
HE GUIDETH ME IN THE PATH OF UNEMPLOYMENT.
YEA, THOUGH I WALK THROUGHT THE VALLEY OF THE BREAD LINE,
I SHALL NOT GO HUNGRY.
OBAMA HAS ANOINTED MY INCOME WITH TAXES,
MY EXPENSES RUNNETH OVER MY INCOME,
SURELY, POVERTY AND HARD LIVING WILL FOLLOW ME ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE.
THE DEMOCRATS AND I WILL LIVE FOREVER, IN A RENTED HOME.
BUT I AM GLAD I AM AN AMERICAN,
I AM GLAD THAT I AM FREE.
BUT I WISH I WAS A DOG
AND OBAMA WAS A TREE

Happy Saint Patricks Day!

Kennedy Jig:

"Oh....your dad's a dead Nazi, your mother is gone, and your brother was killed, and your son is one-legged--

your brother was shot, and the other one too, and your wife is a drunk, and your car doesn't float..."

Michael Vick is in the doghouse

Happy Birthday, Monica Lewinsky

Today we celebrate a special birthday. Monica Lewinsky turns 34. Can you believe it? It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees. They grow up so fast, don't they?

Is law school the best preparation for parenthood?

So says this lawyer / parent. Funny.

"Moderate" Muslim Joke

A Muslim was killed in a car accident. He arrives at the gates of heaven.

St. Peter says "I'm St. Peter. Welcome to Heaven".

The Muslim says "Nice to meet you Peter, but I'm a Muslim and I want to meet Mohammed."

St. Peter says "Sure no problem. Climb up that ladder behind you and you will meet Mohammed."

The Muslim climbs up the ladder, gets to the top and there is Moses.

Moses says "Hi I'm Moses. Welcome to Heaven".

The Muslim is very excited - "Moses, it's such an honour to meet you. But like I told St. Peter, I'm a Muslim and I really want to meet Mohammed".

Moses says "No problem. Climb up the ladder behind you and you will meet Mohammed."

The Muslim climbs up the ladder, gets to the top, he can't see anything but bright light. He sees this figure before him and asks, "Who are you?"

The figure responds, "I am God. Nice to meet you. Welcome to Heaven." God walks over and shakes his hand.

The Muslim is stunned - he can hardly speak. He says to God, "Sir, it is such an honour to meet you - I can't believe it - this place is great. But I'm a Muslim and, no disrespect intended, but I really want to meet Mohammed."

God says "Ohh.. You're here to see Mohammed. I see. No problem. Have a seat. Get comfortable. Can I get you some coffee or something to eat?"

The Muslim says "I would love a cup of coffee."

God yells into the kitchen, "Hey Mohammed, two coffees!!"

Now THERE'S some Christmas Cards!

Don't bring back the '70's, part 2

In the spirit of the last post, I found this: A JC Penney catalog from 1977. If THIS doesn't persuade you not to continue or reintroduce Jimmy Carter liberal policies, then nothing will.

It's not often blog fodder just falls in my lap, but holy hell this was two solid inches of it, right there for the taking.

In the spirit of Jimmy Carter's "malaise" and Former Governor Jerry "Moonbeam" Brown's "era of limits", I thumbed through it quickly and found a recycled dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:

And the government who wants us to "think Green" probably would insist that we get this for our bathrooms:

There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to go on and on about that. Instead, I'm going to go on and on about something else. The clothes. The clothes are fantastic:

Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. What were fashion designers and parents thinking in those days? Well, it was the same mentality that brought us wage and price controls, synfuels, hyperinflation, rising unemployment, and rationing, make no mistake about it. No wonder this kid probably "needed" Ritalin.

This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you, and as a one-piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent.
And let's not forget that the "gay" agenda began in the 1970's too. If you look at the picture above, you can see why. It looks like a proto -Bob Saget without pants has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.

He looks like he's reaching for a gun, which, given the rising crime of the 1970's, would be awesome, but you know it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.

If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit. Unfortunately, some of the GOP establishment still dress like this! This explains their immigration policies. I mean, you just can't mow your own lawn or prune your own hedges if you look like that.

Dear god in heaven, I don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun, or perhaps Jerry Brown in his heyday.

In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys:

....as does your search for chest hair. Maybe the metrosexuals who get their chest hair shaved or even removed have a point.

And this -- Seriously. No words.

Oh wait, it turns out that there are words after all. Those words are What... The... Fuck... I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. It was all that unisex feminism NOW was pushing. These couples look happy, don't they?

I am especially fond of this one, which I have entitled "Cowboy Chachi Loves You Best."

And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and a blonde wife or girlfriend with a look on her face that says "I love the way your cock fits against that fabric."

Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:

I repeat. If you vote for bad liberal policies reminiscient of the 1970's, we could look like THIS again, without the restored youth and vigor:

A scary Halloween message....

Who put election day so close to Halloween, anyway? Enjoy.

My Diet For Muslim Prisoners

Image Thanks to Wild Thing.

New GITMO Diet Plan:

Breakfast:

--Pigs in a Blanket

--Sausage McMuffin with Egg

--Denver Omelet

Lunch:

--Ham and Cheese Sandwiches

--Head Cheese (wait a minute, that may indeed be cruel and unusual punishment)

Dinner:

--Pork Chops and Applesauce "Brady Bunch Night"

--HoneyBaked Ham

--SPAM

--Special Roast Pig "Luau Night"

At every meal:

--Salad with Bacon Bits

--JELL-O

Hello Kitty and the 2nd Amendment

I suddenly have a new appreciation for Hello Kitty.

But it gets better. Ladies, take THIS to the firing range:

Or if you prefer something more discreet:

The Bad Spinach Scare from Salinas

You just KNEW these cartoons were coming....